Right now as I am writing, I am currently
feeling a bit depressed for a reason that seems to be unknown to me. I have
thus decided to write about what I currently feel/experience within myself as
this slight feeling/sensation of depression in order to try and figure out
where that feeling stems from, from within myself. Although I am currently
unaware of the starting point of this feeling of being slightly depressed, I
sense that the simple act of writing such as I am busy doing at the moment,
will lead me to the starting point as the root of my slight feeling/sensation
of depression.
So, let’s say that this feeling originates
from within the contrast that I experienced today between the activity that I
did with a friend of mine this afternoon, within which I played “ball” in a
field near my house, and that the feeling has originated with the contrast that
I experienced within myself between the state of activity I was in when I was
playing “ball” and the state of activity I am currently in, as the state of
being relatively inactive, within the perspective that I am currently not
dispensing as much energy as I was while playing “ball” this afternoon with my
friend. Thus, as I am currently looking at the cause/origin of that slight
feeling of depression, I could affirm that it has been generated through what I
just described as the possible/plausible cause for that feeling/sensation of
slight depression, such as the experienced contrast between the two states of
activities that I experienced within my day.
Within self-trust, I thus realise that the
explanation that I have just exposed concerning the plausible origins of my
slight feeling/sensation of depression is in fact true – as it is the
spontaneous assessment of my current situation that I did within the act of “self-investigation”
through writing myself out. Thus, within this current self-investigation of
myself, I have just realised that the origin of my slight feeling/sensation of
depression in fact originated from the contrast that I experienced within
myself between the two experiences of me being physically active within the
activity of me playing “ball” with my friend, and the other side of that
contrast as me experiencing myself within the relatively inactive physical
expression of myself that I currently am expressing myself as.
The fact that I dispensed a lot of adrenalized
energy while I was playing “ball” with my friend, has burned – I suppose – a lot
of physicality as the chemicals in my brain which is responsible for one’s
state of mind as happiness, such as the through the generations of neurotransmitters
of dopamine and serotonin. Thus, the current experience of myself may be the
effect of the cause of me having burned those neurotransmitters as I was
playing “ball” with my friend – and the contrast experienced between the state
of mind I was in as I was playing “ball” and the state of mind I am currently
in as I am experiencing myself as “writing through typing on the keyboard”.
So, in retrospect, I could say that my
current state of mind such as feeling slightly depressive is connected to the
differences of mental and body activities that exist between the two states of
acting.
Thus, I will do self-forgiveness statements
regarding what I have just unearthed through the self-investigation that I just
expressed through me writing myself out of what I have experienced as myself
today, as the two polar opposites of states of mind activity that I have gone
through as the day went by.
Self-forgiveness on feeling depressive:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to experience depression within and as myself, because of having
burned a lot of energy while I was playing “ball” with my friend, which has
generated the contrast as the origin of myself feeling depressive in the moment
because of not existing within and as adrenaline within and as my current state
of mind – Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to be dependent on adrenaline in order to determine the state of mind I am in
within a particular moment of expression, instead of realising that such a
dependency towards states of the mind as the amount of adrenaline that my mind
can produce, is enforcing the enslavement of who I am as the expression of myself
here as the physical, towards and within the modulating states of the mind such
as the different states of adrenaline that the mind produces within and as a
specific moment of physical activity, and that through me accepting and
allowing myself to be defined/determined by the levels of adrenaline that is to
be found within and as my brain within a given moment, is me stating that I am
enslaved by the mind because of the feeling/sensations of myself as being
depressive whenever I do not participate within the build-up and accumulation
of adrenaline through the expression of myself within physically demanding
activities, such as playing “ball”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to feel good about myself when I was playing “ball” with my
friend this afternoon, because of the generation of adrenaline that was busy
being produced by my brain when I was playing ball, and that because of the
dependency of my sense of self being determined by the amount of adrenaline
produced by my brain, that I have automatically experienced myself as being
depressive within the moments which followed my physical activities of playing
ball with my friend, whereas I have experienced myself as being depressive when
the amount of adrenaline within my brain begun to deplete within and as the
relative physical inactivity that I experienced within myself when I came back
to my home, whereas I sat and watched tv/browsed the internet while the levels
of adrenaline in my brain went down so as to reach an equilibrium within the
chemicals that my brain produces. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t
accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me generating good feelings
within and as myself as I was playing ball, from within which I felt fulfilled
within and as the fact that I was being physically active rather than being
physically inactive, that I would thus immediately experience myself as feeling
bad when I would be physically inactive because of having unconsciously related
the fact of being physically active as being “good” towards the fact of being
inactive as being “bad” – instead of realising that through me accepting and
allowing myself to participate within good feelings, that I automatically
accept and allow myself to participate within bad feelings, because none comes
without the other as this is the foundation upon which the games of the mind as
polarity is constructed upon = one cannot come without the other, and that as
soon as I accept and allow myself to participate within the “good feelings”
that I generate within and as the relationship with a given physical activity,
that I automatically will generate “negative feelings” when the relationship to
the “good feelings” as physical activity, will be removed from the equation.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to realise that the adrenaline that I experienced within and as
my brain when I was playing ball with my friend, was and is an addiction of the
mind as a drug that the mind/brain produces in order to make sure that I remain
enslaved to the mind as the purveyor of my desires, instead of stopping such
addictions and enslavement as the dependency towards the drug as adrenaline as
the giver of the “good feelings” that is produced whenever I participate within
demanding physical activities, and to return to myself HERE as the
self-directive principle of me in my world, wherein I accept and allow no mind addictions
as chemical reactions to control/direct me, through me stopping such addiction
through the tools of BREATHING, self-investigation through writing,
self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to
release myself from all of dependencies of the mind and to return HERE as who I
am as the physical as life, one and equal to all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to feel depressed within and as myself when the levels of
adrenaline begun to shrink in relation to the levels of adrenaline that was
busy being produced when I was playing ball with my friend, wherein I
experienced myself as being depressive within the perspective of suddenly
stopping my intense physical activity and returning to a “calm” state whereas I
as the brain wasn’t producing adrenaline any longer - instead of realising that
through my expression being dependant on the levels of adrenaline within my
brain, that I am thus only furthering the enslavement of myself towards the
system of the mind, instead of stopping all participation within the products
of the mind/brain through the tools of self-investigation through writing in
order to see the origins of me as the mind, and through the application of
self-forgiveness in order to release myself from the programming of the mind,
self-honesty in order to directly see what I have accepted and allowed myself
to be and become, and through the tools of self-corrective application in order
for me to correct my behaviour in order that it may come to reflect what is
best for all life within the principle of Oneness and Equality, rather than
continuing within the disease of reflecting only my self-interests as ego as
that which separates itself from life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to feel bad/depressed when I was back home, wherein I
participated within less intensive physical activities, such as watching
television or browsing the internet, because of having unconsciously related
intense physical activities such as playing ball with my friend, as being “good
for me”, while unconsciously relating non intense physical activities such as
being home while watching tv or browsing the internet, as being “bad for me” –
instead of realising the accepted and allowed participation within polarity as
games of the mind as enslavement, and stopping such enslavement towards the
mind as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a character
in this world, through the simple tools of BREATHING, writing, self-forgiveness
and self-corrective application so as to stop all participations within
separation as the mind and to return to oneness and equality as who I truly am
as life HERE as the physical, one and equal with all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to associate good feelings with “being physically active” and
bad feelings with “being physically inactive”, whereas I experience feelings of
happiness within and as myself when I participate within physical activities,
and where I experience feelings of unhappiness when I am not participating
within physical activities – because of having been conditioned by my parents
and teachers to see physical activities as being “good for me” thus generating
good feelings when active, while at the same time saying that to be physically
inactive is “bad for me” thus generating bad feelings when inactive, instead of
realising the enslavement of myself towards and within such experiences of
myself where I become directed by the mind through self-interest alone, rather
than being and becoming the self-directive principle of me in my world, through
the usage of common sense wherein I as the physical as life determines what
actions that is in need to be done so as to bring about a world that is best
for all life, rather than continuing with the system of abuse as the
enslavement of the mind which only acts for the self-interests of the
individual alone without considering what is best for all life, equal and one
with all living beings.
I commit myself to stop accepting and
allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the
accumulation of positive energy through being physically active, and the
release of negative energy through being physically inactive, through the
realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the
mind as games of polarity, that I automatically accept and allow myself to
participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself
through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival
of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one
and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which
controls who I am as the physical.
I commit myself to, through writing,
self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in
my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a
responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as
what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living
beings.
If and when I see myself moving or about to
move into the mind through the reaction of “generating adrenaline within and as
my body because of being physically active” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind
myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for
it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When and as I see myself moving into the
automatic personality of an “adrenaline junkie”, I stop, breathe, see if i have
missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the
personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game
and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as
an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in
and as Breath.
I commit myself to stop myself from
entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of goodness
when I am physically active and badness when I am not physically active,
through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the
human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish
myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited
living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and
Equal for every living Being.
I commit myself to assist and support myself
through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing –
to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as
me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.
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