Yesterday, I went and had a midnight walk in a field next to a house I
lived in when I was 25 years old, which was the year where I
experienced my first experience of manic energy, from within which I
developed the condition of bipolarity as a defined mental illness.
As
I was walking down the field, memories and surges of feeling energies
came rushing back into my mind whereas I remembered within the rushing
movements that was busy occurring within my mind, all of my significant
experiences that I lived/experienced when I had the habit of going into
that field when I was 25 years old. In my mind, there was this rush of
many different emotions and feelings and thoughts that all came back to
my conscious awareness from within which I could experience almost to
the exact feelings, every significant moments that I had ever lived when
going to that field in my past. I remembered almost all of the
dialogues that I had with myself when I went to that “special place”
that I had defined as being my “fortress of solitude” such as the name
that was given to the place of resourcing for the fictional character of
“superman”.
There were many significant experiences from
within which I had built the belief of being a being of light/energy
that came back to my awareness, and I could actually feel the same
feelings of being overwhelmed with positive energy that I had the habit
of reinforcing when I went to that specific location for meditation
purposes in my past. I remembered all the times that I spent alone in
that “special” location, where I used to talk to the trees, plants,
stars and the universe wherein I believed myself as being a messenger
from the “central sun” – such as the “central sun” that was defined in a
“light worker” book that I read at the time, where it was suggested
that the center of the galaxy as the “central sun” would eventually
directly change life on earth through a “beam of light” that would
impact earth so as to change life into a life that was worth living for –
and that my purpose in life was to “inform all of humanity” of the
“messages of light” that were coming from the center of the galaxy.
Needless
to say that I was deeply fucking with myself within the beliefs that I
was enforcing within myself for the purpose of complying with my desires
to be “more than” what I saw myself as being, which was this tiny human
being in face of the immensity of the universe. Thus, without proper
wisdom and common sense, I delved deeply into the belief that I was a
being of light and that my purpose in life was to prepare others through
me being a messenger of the central sun, as was explained within some
of the “light worker” books that I was reading at the time. The extent
to which I fucked with myself became obvious through the “mental
condition” that I developed through that desire of being equal to that
of a being of light/high energy, which eventually brought me to develop
the condition of bipolarity, such as I have explained in my previous posts.
Self-forgiveness on being a “light worker”:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
define myself as being a being of light/energy, because of having been
influenced by a testimony that I read when I was 25 years old about the
near death experiences that a man had where he described his experience
as being within the realms of light/energy wherein he was brought to
realise that everything was made of light/energy and that his/our
purpose was to create as much light/energy as possible so that the
universe would be fed by light/energy throughout existence, instead of
realising the absolute separation towards physicality as life within
such a testimony, whereas it was only the realm of the finite mind as
illusion that was being experienced by the man and not the real and
infinite realm of physicality as life – and that from within this
testimony, that I have completely fucked myself up into the belief that
our origins as beings were that of being made of light/energy, that has
generated such experiences of manic energy within and as myself because
of wanting/desiring to comply to that belief through me accumulating as
much positive energy as possible so as to “give” that energy to the
universe as statements of who and what I am so as to fulfill the “life’s
goal” of giving as much energy/light as possible to the universe that I
was brought to believe was the goal of all living things within this
world.
Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t
accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from participating within the
accumulation of positive energy as the mind ever since that experience
of me reading the testimony that the man made about his near death
experience, because of the belief that my goal was to accumulate as much
positive energy as possible so as to be able to make the universe even
more of and as “light/energy”, instead of realising that all throughout
that time where I accumulated positive energy as the mind, that I was
only furthering the enslavement of myself to consciousness whereas I
have created such conditions as being/becoming bipolar, wherein the
energy that I experienced within and as myself as the total accumulation
of positive energy within and as my mind became so extensive that I
actually became one and equal to the “god consciousness” wherein I
believed and perceived myself as being equal and one to the “god
consciousness” because of the “never before experimented amount of
positive energy” that I eventually experienced within and as myself as
the mind, while under the delusion of building as much as positive
energy as possible so as to comply to the “life’s goal” that I believed
was the most fundamental goal of all living beings through the reading
of the man’s testimony, so as to make the universe expand within and as
what it essentially was, which I believed it to be of light/energy.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate
within the accumulation/gaining of as much positive energy as possible
ever since the time where I read the man’s near death testimony, wherein
I would deliberately participate within sessions of meditation which
were designed to build as much positive energy as possible so as to
become a being of light/energy as such was what I believed myself as
essentially being through the reading of the man’s near death
experience, instead of realising that through me accepting and allowing
myself to build as much positive energy as possible, that I was thus
only suppressing more and more the negative energies within and as my
physical body and that I was thus only furthering the system of polarity
as the enslavement of the physical towards and within the confines of
the limited mind, rather than stopping myself from participating within
the polarity games of the mind through the tools of BREATHING,
self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and
self-corrective application so as to become one and equal to what I
truly essentially always was and am, which was/is the manifestation of
life eternal HERE within and as the physical body as all as one as equal
as Life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to, within the delusion of being a being of light/energy,
have created a “special bond/relationship” towards a field that was/is
located next to the house where I lived at, at the time where I read the
man’s near death’s testimony, whereas I have defined that location/spot
as being “my fortress of solitude” wherein I saw myself as being like
“superman” and that that “special location” was the place where I would
go to resource myself within the accumulation/gaining of positive energy
as the nature which surrounded me, much like the “fortress of solitude”
of the fictional character of “superman” – instead of realising that
all I was busy doing within the times where I went to that “special
place” as the field which was located next to the house where I lived at
at the time, was to accumulate/build emotional relationships/ties
towards that specific place and the environmental elements that were/is
within that place, such as the trees that I then perceived as being
beings of light within which existed a mystical wisdom that was being
shared with me when I went to that specific location for
meditation/resourcing of myself. Within this, I forgive myself that I
haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that all I was busy doing
while I went to that specific location/spot, was to reinforce my
emotional bond/relationship/ties to that physical location, whereas the
mere thought of that place has generated feelings of longing/nostalgia
because of the emotional/energy experiences that I experienced while I
went to that specific place, which only enslaved me further within the
systems of the mind, such as the emotions/feelings connected to that
area, instead of stopping myself from participating within such games of
the mind as the emotions of longing and nostalgia through the use of
BREATHING, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective
application so as to completely stop myself from participating within
the mind as illusions and bring myself back HERE as who I truly am as
life as the physical, all as one as equal as all living beings, so that I
can really become an example to all of what it is to be a responsible
human being who behaves in ways which are best for all life, such as me
sorting myself out through the DIP program and to support organisations such as the Equal Money System in order to bring about a world which is best for all life.
I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I
was a messenger from the “central sun” wherein my purpose in life was
to inform all of humanity of the impending change that would eventually
happen on earth, through the “messages” that I believed were coming from
the “central sun” through my influences generated through the reading
of a “light worker” book from within which it was explained that the
“central sun” would eventually send a beam of light towards earth so as
to change life in order to bring about a new dimension of earth, such as
allowing earth to ascend to another dimension – from within which I
perceived myself as being a being of light which purpose was to prepare
humanityas a messenger for the change that was to come, and also to
prepare myself to go into the higher dimensions where the new earth
would manifest itself.
I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to generate overwhelming feelings of
positive energy when I went to the "special field" that was next to my
house when I was 25 years old, wherein I would spend enormous amounts of
time meditating and spelling out mantras so as to align myself to the
high frequencies of light, such as the frequencies of light I imagined
as being the frequencies from within which operated the beings of light I
was busy reading about from within my books and websites which revolved
specifically around such beings - instead of realising that through me
accepting and allowing myself to participate within such meditative
practices which had the purpose of building and building and building
and accumulating and accumulating and accumulating enormous amounts of
positive energies, would only further my enslavement to the disease of
the mind, as I was thus simultaneously building and building and
building and accumulating and accumulating and accumulating enormous
amounts of negative energies within and as my subconscious mind - in
order to balance out all of the positive energies that I was busy
accumulating within my consciousness - which eventually manifested
within deep experiences of depression where I thought of killing myself
because of the overwhelming amout of negative energy that eventually
made itself aware within and as my consciousness. Within this, I forgive
myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that
through me accepting and allowing myself to participate within the
accumulation of positive energy, that I was instantaneously accepting
and allowing myself to participate within the accumulation of negative
energy because of the common sense equation that one doesn't come
without the other, as it is the foundation of the polarity games of the
mind, which only enslaved me further within the disease of the mind as
separation - instead of stopping my participation within such a disease
as the polarity games of the mind, through me simply BREATHING so as to
return to who I am HERE within and as self-honesty as the breath as
life, equal and one with who I truly am as the physical as life HERE,
instead of running away from who I am HERE within the delusion of
meditation and spiritual practices which only reinforces the delusion of
being equal and one with the mind as our absolute identity, while our
absolute identity is simply who we are HERE as the physical as all as
one as equal, within the principle of oneness and equality as life.
I
commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate
within such games of mind polarity such as the accumulation of positive
energy through meditations, through the realisation that as long as I
accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of
polarity, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate
within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself
through the consumption of the physical as life for the own
sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am
ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life
eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the
physical.
I commit myself to, through writing,
self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write
daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it
is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what
is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and
One with all living beings.
If and when I see myself
moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “sensing
energy swell up within me” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that
it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it
is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When
and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of a
light/energy being, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity
to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality
arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and
self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in
personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and
bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I commit myself
to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the
feeling/experience of light/positive energy, through the use of thoughts
and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition,
comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an
example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living
of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and
Equal for every living Being.
I commit myself to assist
and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective
application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the
frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to
express myself unconditionally for the first time.
See these blogs:
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Creation’s Journey to Life
Earth’s Journey to Life
And other Journey to Life blogs
Desteni.org
Equalmoney.org
And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com
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