mercredi 22 février 2012

Experiences of being nude within the context of a friendly environment.

Experience of my recent actions:

Yesterday, I have placed myself in a vulnerable position when I went to my closest friend Eric’s house for the evening. I have “planned” before going to his house, that i would “shave my body in front of everyone there, in total nudity” because I wanted to “expose myself for the physical body that I am” without anything hiding, whatsoever. I was “prepared to face all possible reactions” for I knew what the reactions would be. This I knew essentially because I knew that it would primarily be an uncomfortable experience for me to go through. I knew that it would be uncomfortable because I knew myself inside and out. I knew that I would be vulnerable to expose myself to people that I barely knew, and even to people that I knew already, as my friend was there with other acquaintances that I didn’t knew that much prior to that moment. There was a women there that I never had seen before, but that I knew of her character through the communication with my “closest friend” which has informed me of her. Within this, I knew however that the only possible solution for me in order to actually face my fears, was that within this moment, that I had to absolutely take the opportunity to “place myself in the most vulnerable position whatsoever at all cost”.

So, this placement of me as the “most vulnerable position whatsoever at all cost”, was simply to allow myself to go “naked” in front of them. But i did not want to stop there however, as I also planned not only to go naked in front of the others, but primarily that I had to be fully shaven by my closest friend Eric, while doing so. This I thought that I had to do because I knew that I am not just the head that I show to others. I have just recently shaved my head through the influence of Desteni members because I sensed that I was ready to go “all the way” and expose myself for the “demon” that I thought I was. That “demon” that I thought I was, was maintained by my idea that my face was physically “ugly”. This I sensed was the case throughout the general impression of the way others interacted with me as I was interacting with others throughout my many relationships with others – females and males - in my life. This sense was that of being avoided by the looks of another. It was not a “sense” that said I was “ugly” as what I have defined that “sense” to be, but it was very true “sense” of “looking away” and “avoidance”. This “avoidance” had generated within me bubbles of thoughts as to what those “avoidances” meant about me. I held unto a word that has been applied to my face which was to my knowledge, the word which generated the greatest sense of “discomfort” within me. That word was the word I received when I was a teenager, while beings around me were telling me that I was “ugly” by “coming into my face” and “force their words” into “my awareness” as I felt completely “powerless” to stop or to hide from them. That word of “ugly” as thus been stored within the prime sense of “discomfort” within me, thus it is that word which held a “rational relationship” with the “sense” of “discomfort” within me. Whenever I felt “discomfort” in a situation with a being or a group of beings in my life, I automatically associated that “sense” of “discomfort” with the word “ugly”. Thus, I became “ugly” in my physical expression because the word “ugly” was the truth of me.

In order to “face” that truth, I had to allow myself to “become” that word in all it’s “glory”, through the simple act of “me” “getting naked” and “shaking my hair off my body” while in the company of “others”. So, this is what I did, for I knew that in order for me to completely integrate myself with my physical body, that I had to release that word out in the open, through me exposing myself in “all my glory” – without anything to hide but the total nakedness of my body as only my skin would be seen – to the judgment of others, so that others may release the “negative charges” of that word for my awareness to integrate in full through an actual experience.

So, I went to my friend’s house with the firm intention of having my friend shave my body, in the nude and in front of others, for all to see. Through this, I knew what I was about to face, for what I was about to face was myself as what I hide from the views of others.

I never wanted others to tell me that i was “ugly” for every time that word was expressed, that same sense of profound discomfort would emerge from within the depths of my body. Every time that word was projected unto me, I would succumb to the “pull” of that word, which would generate a fall within my body, as that word was in a direct relationship with my body’s first impression of life. The human body’s first impression of life is invariably that of “discomfort”, for that is the first impression that is imprinted within the human physical body as the being first enters the body through the first breath. This first breath opens up all systems which are in physical contact with the “outside world”. The 5 physical senses of sound, touch, smell, taste and sight are thus automatically rendered functional as soon as the being first enters the body through the first “in breath” of the body. Within this, what the body thus experiences is a “total sense of discomfort” which is birthed as the truth of the totality of the body. That sense of “total discomfort” is thus rejected by the being, as soon as the being “notices” the first of the five senses of the physical body which are related with the outside world. That first sense of the body is the sense which was present first within the mother’s womb, which is the sense of “sound”. Thus, as the being enters, the first sense the being notices is the sense of “sound” as the being is “swooshed” within the physical body. That “swooshing” sound is thus automatically interpreted by the “cells” within the body as the sound of “total discomfort”. This is done through the innate comparison that exists between the moment the “being enters” and the moment prior to that “entering”, which was a moment of “total comfort”. The moment of “total comfort” relates to the “times” when the “body” was “within the mother’s womb” where “everything was comfortable” as far as the “cells within the body could define”. That definition however, is not that true, for even the “total sense of comfort” of the body while within the mother’s womb was not exactly “totally without contact with the outside world”. That “contact with the outside world” was always present through the contact of the “forming cells” of the body with “sound”. Sound was ever present within the “awareness” of the “cells” within the physical body as the body was busy being “composed” in order to “welcome” the being that it was “designed” to welcome. That “composition” of the “body” was thus originally “composed” through “sound waves”, as “sound waves” was the “universal frequencies” which were “responsible” for the “composition” of the “body”. Those “universal frequencies” as the “sound waves” responsible for the “composition” of the “body”, were already “present” within the “infinite sound waves” of the “universe”. Those “sound waves” were thus “responsible for the composition of the body” because those “sound waves” were in the “vicinity of the conceiving beings” when the “body was first conceived”. Thus, at the precise moment of “inception”, the “sound wave particles” automatically “entered” the “ovum”, and from this moment, the “sound wave particle” started expanding within the limits and configuration of the “ovum” so that the “sound wave particle” would be “trapped within the ovum” so that the “ovum would eventually become the physical representation of the particular frequency of sound which was first sucked into the “opening gap” of the “ovum” after it’s “fertilisation” by the “sperm”.

Anyways, without delving too much into speculations, I will continue with the experience as it happened.

So, I was at my friend’s house with the will to face my fears of “total discomfort” by actually become “totally uncomfortable” in front of others. This I knew would only be accomplished through me actually become “fully naked” while in the presence of others. I had however, to respect the limits and rules of the current system in order to accomplish this. For this act was not an act of “proving to others how free that I was to be able to do so”. No. It was simply an act where the starting point was for me to be “totally uncomfortable” within the context of being “totally vulnerable”, which would not have been the case if I would have done this act within the starting point of “proving to others that I am free”, because that particular starting point invariably seeks comfort through anarchy and confrontation. This was not the case in my being, for I knew too well that confrontation is a defence mechanism of the mind intended to keep the being away from its own sense of “total discomfort”. So, being that to be totally uncomfortable was my only goal, I became that goal by simply becoming totally uncomfortable in front of others.

So, I shaved myself after removing my clothes in the backyard of my friend. At first, of course beings would look at me strangely for within the systems of the mind, this act is naturally perceived as being “uncomfortable” for those who are not “used” to see a “naked man” in front of their faces, all the while acting “naturally” as if “nothing” was of the “matter”. So, I still had some fears within me in regards to the way they would react if they were to see me naked and without hairs on my body. I say without hairs on my body because I knew that I had to do to my body, the same that I did to my face and head, which was to shave everything off. Also, I knew that I had to do so in front of the others, because that would mean that I would actually have to face their reactions in all their expressions since I needed to get “totally comfortable” within my “total discomfort”, which could only be done by actually get “totally uncomfortable” within the presence of others.

I won’t go into the details of the reasons why I did this for now, since this is already known to me. I will only concentrate of describing the experiences so that it may bring about the steps that are needed to follow for others within their own liberation process – within the perspective of “pulling out” all the “steps” which will be universally applicable by every human body in this world. So here goes.

I remember that I was at the supper table while discussing with my closest’s friend friend’s girlfriend, and where the women on my right, manon, was looking down within her mind as I was describing to her parts of the nature of the beast she had become. She couldn’t look in my eyes for she saw her own deamons within me. She saw a reflection of her deepest discomfort because I was physically related to her sense of discomfort, which was the fact that I was ugly in her eyes. So, I was there discussing with the girlfriend of my closest friend’s friend, about her relationship with her dad.

Anyways, that is not of the matter for now, since my aim is only to concentrate on the objective actions that led me to do what I did alone.

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