7 years journey to life: Day 15: state of confusion

Today, I went out for a walk near the river that runs next to where I live. I decided to bring a book with me so that I could read while being in nature at the same time. After having read a bit of the book, I went near the river in order to bask in the moment. There, I noticed that I began to feed a state of confusion as I was standing near the river. I started wondering in my mind as I was watching the sky turn to orange as the sun was setting down. The way I experienced that wondering was that I would look at the sun and sky and deliberately lose myself within a “void” as an empty space within myself where I would entertain the sensation of being confused in front of what I was witnessing. I would say that the sensation that was prominent within me was that of being lost within a moment where I would deliberately lose focus of what was happening around me in order to maintain my focus on the sun, or the object of my attention at the moment.

There, I realised that I was feeding a state within myself which allowed me to be in “awe” in front of the spectacle of nature all around me. This capacity of being in “awe” in front of nature was dishonest because it was made from the perspective of “confusion” where my attention would be deliberately placed on a point of self-interest – such as staring at the sun – in order to “bask within its magnificence” rather than remaining here stable as the physical, without limiting my attention to the object of my desire.

Self-forgiveness on confusion:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain confusion as a means to appear as if I am in awe at something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be confused within and as my mind through me looking for words to express myself rather than expressing myself as the word which is HERE one and equal as the mind as the point which I am facing as myself at a moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that confusion is a state of mind that I manifest in order for me not to face the consequences of my actions and remain “blissfully ignorant” so as to continue with the abuse that I am supporting in my world through confusion.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I participate within confusion so as to remain “blissfully ignorant” of the abuse that I am perpetuating within the world through my active participation in confusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being confused so as to remain dishonest through me closing my eyes to the abuse that I am perpetuating in the world through me remaining confused and out of words to express myself rather than being HERE stable as the living word which is the word that is one and equal to me at any given point/moment in time.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that to remain “blissfully ignorant” is to remain in accordance with the system of abuse of the world through me stating that “I want to remain ignorant of what goes on in this world” so that I may entertain an idea of “bliss” rather than facing this world as what it is as the system of abuse of all life through the nature of what man as become through our acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the state of confusion that I participate in is a dishonest manoeuvre that I manifest within and as my mind, through feelings of disarray, that allows me to remain “blissful” in face of the world shutting a blind eye to the abuse that goes on in this world in favour of a self-interested purpose of reward as the perception of bliss in this world while everything goes to shit through the abuse of mankind – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my states of confusion, deeming them to be out of my control, because of the invested interest that I had as the mind, to remain “positive” and “blissful” and “energetically high” while facing the ugly truth that is the world that we have accepted and allowed to manifest as ourselves, equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “confusion” is a “void” within my mind from within which I allow myself to “bask” within the “object of desire” for a moment, all the while forgetting about what is busy happening all around me just so that I can remain happy through and within the maintained focus on the object of my desire – and within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the “void” that I experience as confusion is a masquerade which masks what is truly happening within and as me, which is not a “void” in the first place, but a “noise” which I have accustomed to myself to be-LIE-ve as being a "void" in order for me to believe that I have reached the void as “nothingness”.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have reached the state of "nothingness" while still harbouring throughts, feelings and emotions.




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest in nature through me be-LIE-ving in delusions that I know to be lies but close an eye on because of the vested self-interest in my happiness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that confusion is equal to the state of “nothingness”.

 If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the "confusion" pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of confusion as "remaining in awe in front of an object", I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the confusion arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the confusion game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in confusion as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about "confusion" and from blaming myself and others as "confusing me", through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.