7 years journey to life: Day 5 : Self Forgiveness on feelings

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to base my self expression on how I feel because of the belief that I am who I am only when I feel high or good enough

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that who I am is what I feel because of the expanding feeling that I had in the past after I experienced my first manic episode

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to base my identity on the feeling of high because of believing that I am equal to who I truly am as the source of life only when I feel high within myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the high feeling is of the mind consciousness system and thus, to desire the high feeling is to desire the low feeling

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to perceive who I am as life as the feeling of high because of the extreme feeling that opened myself up to an extreme perception of unity with the universe while I was working on the project “code conscience” back in the year 2003

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the feeling of high that I experimented back in the year 2003 was not of life but of the mind consciousness system

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to continuously believe that my true self expression only comes when I am high enough because of the feeling of expansion as the expression of myself that I believed to be my true expression while I was within the high feeling that was generated by the mind consciousness system as I was working on the project to create a conscious computer program back in 2003

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to seek the same feeling of high that I had back in the year 2003 because of the sense of wonderment that I got while working on the “code conscience” project that led me to believe that who I really am is equal to that feeling of high

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I cannot express myself properly unless I feel high enough within myself because of the ease into which I express myself when I feel high

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel bad about myself when I am not feeling high enough because of the difficulties I have to express myself unconditionally when I am not supported by a high enough feeling from within me

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to value the high feeling as the true and greatest expression of myself because of the apparent liberating experiences that my first high feeling brought to me in the past while I was working on the project “code conscience”

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to live in the goal to relive my past so that I can feel the exact same feeling of high I experimented back then because of me not seeing any other thing worthy of living for in my present life

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that my current life is unworthy of living because I do not feel as good about myself as I did in the past

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “feeling depressed” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of guilt of 'I must be depressed', I stop, breathe, see if I have missed an opportunity to self correct into Oneness and Equality from which the guilt arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the guilt and self correct, if not I stop, self forgive my participation in guilt as an automated response to a pattern of self Abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “feeling depressed” and from judging myself and others as ‘being depressed’, through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of Illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every Living Being.