Facing my beauty/ugly system deamon.

I have for a long time been distracted by my physical appearance as I am with another being. Just recently, I have noticed just how much my physical appearance, most specifically my facial appearance, has played an undermining factor in my relationships in my life. Lately, it as come to my attention that, as I was with another being, experimenting the sharing of experiences, my mind was busy shifting my awareness away into the thoughts of "how do I look now" or "how do I look from within the specific angle that I imagine the other being looking at me". Ever since my teenage years, this thought process of "me being concerned at the way my facial appearance looks to another being" has been a preoccupation driving my awareness away from the actual moment of being here within the sharing of an experience with another being - most specifically girls - to the thoughts of concern as to how that other being is actually perceiving/judging my facial appearance.

Those judgments that I believe and perceive the other beings having upon my facial appearance are continuously distracting me from what is actually occuring within those moments whereas instead of actually listening to the other beings, I delve into my mind with the concerns as thoughts of "how do I look now?", "I hope that I am not ugly within this specific angle". I have accepted and allowed those thoughts to seep through my mind as a definition of me because of my own judgements towards the way that I look when looking a specific angles of my face through the reflection of the mirror. I have come to prefer and dislike specific angles of my face, whereas when I show a specific facial angle to another being when within a conversation, I always try to show the angle that I have "judged" as being "more beautifull" than other angles of my face. Whenever I am seen through an angle that I judge as being negative, I immediately try to place myself/face in an angle that I have previously judged as being "better" from my personal relationship with the mirror. This behavior of mine actually reinforces my mind consciousness system through me being busy with preoccupations of how the others are judging me, solely based on how I look, rather than being here fully with the other being through the sharing of the experience of ourselves within a particular moment.

The judgments that keeps on repeating themselves within my mind, through me having accepted and allowed those definitions as myself, are actually limiting my expression of myself to the extent where I stop listening to what the other being is saying because of being too busy listening to those "beauty system demons" from within my mind. In order to stop this participation that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, I have to stop participating within the mind through the processes as described by Desteni (www.desteni.org). Those processes are those of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind whenever I am within a conversation with another being, where I continuously fear what the other being is thinking about my facial appearance/angle.