mardi 19 juin 2012

7 years journey to life: Day 41: Fear of rejection

Today, I have been given the permission to join the DIP program because of my commitment/constance towards my application of the 7 years to life process, which is really cool. I was thus given the opportunity to join the DIP program with sponsorship, so that I could perfect myself into becoming one and equal as life as the physical, through the 7 years to life process, as an assistance towards my application and the effectiveness of my application towards and within myself.
So, as I was given permission to join the DIP program, I was thusly given the permission to have a personnal account within the DIP web page/system. However, after having received the confirmation that my account was operational after having followed all the steps for my inscription (giving my e-mail address and generating a password for me to log into my DIP account web page), I was rebuffed by the system wherein I received the message "you have been banned" after having attempted to log into my DIP account.
This message has generated feelings of friction within and as my stomach area, as a global/general/unspecific feeling which made me remember experiences of rejection as I was growing up in this world. So, in face of this point which ressurfaced, it was my duty to self-investigate that reaction within the specificities that that reaction generated within and as my mind.
Self-forgiveness on the feeling of rejection:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was banned from the DIP program because of the message that I got after connecting to my account, which informed me that I was banned for a general reason of having not followed the terms of use, within which I believed that I had been banned because of my precarious past with Desteni, whereas I have used abuse and spite towards members of Desteni because of having been possessed by energetic entities from within which I was brought to interpret the Desteni message as being a menace to my well being as an energetic entity, instead of realising that that energetic entity was a mind possession which had a finite existence that I didn't want to let go of because of my addictions to energies as the mind, instead of realising that who i am is not an energetic entity, but is equal and one with the physical as life as that which is equal to all living beings - within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give this "energetic entity" time of day, where i accepted and allowed myself to express myself as the words coming from this energetic entity within myself, from within which I perceived myself as being a being of light wherein I dismissed the Desteni message because of my desire to keep my energetic possession as the "high energy entity" alive and through the perception that the Desteni message was threatening my mind's illusion as being a being of light - I now see/understand/realise that the energetic entity that expresses itself whenever the accumulation of positive energy becomes overwhelming, is and was a mind possession that wasn't/isn't real as it is/was only a construct of the mind as the desires of the mind as energy to experience it's reward as positive energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this energetic reaction within myself after having been aware of having been banned for a general reason of not having followed the terms of use, wherein I felt a slight friction within my stomach area informing me through the interpretations of the mind that I was rejected from joining the DIP program because of the belief that the administrators had received the order to ban me because of my precarious past with Desteni and it's members, instead of realising that this reaction as the fear of being rejected was only the interpretation of my mind towards the message of being banned, from within which emerged within the depths of my mind, past reactions as the slight friction feeling within my stomach area, from where I had been rejected as I was growing up in this world - within this, I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to change from within the perspective of not accepting and allowing myself to experience that feeling of energetic friction within and as my stomach area, because of the realisation that who I am as life is not the product of energy, as energy as myself is a diminishment of who I truly am as life as the physical which is always eternally here as myself, equal and one with all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had been rejected by my classmates as I was growing up in this world, wherein I have adopted the behavioural stance as someone who is “less than another” when I was within the same area as those who used to use derivative names towards me, and thus to still continue behaving within such a stance to this day, whenever I see/perceive someone or something expressing words which reminds me of those experiences as being rejected when I was growing up in this world, such as the words that I read today where it was written as I attempted to access my DIP account web page, as the words “you have been banned”, which furthermore was written in red as a colour which I have associated with things which are “bad”. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a “bad” feeling within and as my stomach area, after having read the word “you have been banned” which were furthermore in red letters such as the effect of the negative impression of those words, were elevated within the fact that the colour they were printed on was red, instead of realising that those words which I read today, as the words “you have been banned” and which were furthermore printed in the colour red, were innocent and acted only as pointers that there was something wrong with the system that I was trying to log into, and that the problem wasn’t created because of me and my past as that of having been rejected, but that the problem was simply a problem that concerned the program as the system I was trying to log into – which had nothing to do with me personally, such as the manifestation of the “bad feeling within and as my stomach area” made me believe.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the words “you have been banned” within the effect of me experiencing feelings of “slight friction” within and as my stomach area, whereas the friction was generated through blame/spite/justification towards those as myself – which was made evident by the fact that the “bad feelings within and as my stomach area” was felt by my physical body/me as an energetic/illusionary reaction towards the association between what I have read today and what I have experienced as I was growing up in this world as the experience of being rejected – that I have accused of being the cause of the feeling of inferiority that I experienced when I was within the presence of bullies as I was growing up in this world – instead of realising that they were not the cause/reason/justification for the feelings that I harboured within and as myself as the feelings of being rejected, such as the experience of myself as being “inferior” to those who used derivative names towards me, but that it was me as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, such as being “inferior to those whom I perceived as being superior to me”, that was the cause of such feelings/emotions/reactions and that it is my responsibility to STOP what I have accepted and allowed myself to become through my experiences growing up in this world. Within this, I now see/realise/understand that it is only me that can change what I experience within and as myself when reacting to outside influences – that the outside is not the cause of whatever I accept and allow myself to experience within and as myself, but that it is me and me alone who is responsible for whatever is happening as reactions to outside stimuli within and as myself, and that it is only ME that can STOP myself from participating within such reactions of “inFEARiority” through the application of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty in order for me to release myself from those energetic charges and become clear so that I can stand HERE with and as my physical body, with no reactions whatsoever to what is being directed at me from others around me – and that it is up to me as clarity/stability to be the self-directive principle of me in my world, not my reactions/emotions/feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still hold unto the past as the experiences of myself as being rejected, through me still to this day, exercising friction through blame/spite/justifications towards those that have expressed themselves as being the authority of me as I was growing up in this world, whereas I was enslaved by my feelings of “inFEARiority” whenever I was within the company of those who used to bully me as I was growing up in this world, because of my accepted and allowed participation within the polarity of the mind as superiority and inFEARriority, as I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being “inFEARior” to those who bullied me as I was growing up in this world, and that I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being “superior” within other instances such as when I was playing games where I was known to have success as I was a teenager growing up in this world - instead of realising that the reason why I experimented those feelings of inferiority when faced with the bullies as I was a teenager in this world, was because I accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as “superiority” within other instances/moments as I was growing up in this world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed LIFE in and of itself as that which I perceived the entirety of the universe as being as I was growing up in this world, whereas I was blaming LIFE as that which was “superior” to me because of the perceived notion that LIFE was separate from me and was the author of me as my creator, wherein I blamed LIFE as the entirety of existence within and as the backchat/secret mind for having given me the physical attributes which were the subject of the ridicule/rejection that I experienced with those who bullied me as I was a teenager growing up in this world – instead of realising that LIFE as something which was/is separate from me was/is an illusion that persist/persisted as long as I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was this “mind entity” as personality that I perceived/believed myself as being through my interactions with those who educated me in this world, such as my parents, teachers and those who projected themselves as the authority figures in my world. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am the only authority of me in my world, whereas I as the physical as the self-directive principle of me in my world as that which is with me all of the time, is the only TRUE/REAL authority of me in my world, as I am the one who is with me all of the time, and that whoever claims to be the authority of me in my world, is only being authorised as an authority of me because of my accepted and allowed participation within the personalities/energetic entities of the mind, and that in order for me to regain full authority of myself as LIFE, that I have to STOP such participations within and as the personalities as the mind, through the use of self-investigation through writing and through the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application so that I may see myself for what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the mind, and that from there, stop myself from participating within and as the mind so that I may return to the physical as who I truly am as life, One and Equal to all living beings.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the feeling of inferiority is a feeling that is generated through the FEAR of expressing myself for who and what I am, and that as long as I will generate that feeling through the friction/conflict that I hold onto towards the world and existence for the predicament that I am in within and as my life, that I will keep on experimenting myself as being “inferior” to the another or the outside world because of me still holding onto the feelings of inferiority and superiority within and as my mind. Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the feeling of inFEARiority is existent within and as my mind as long as I keep participating within the feeling of SOUPeriority, as the “soup” that I drink in order to make me feel “more than” who I am as the physical, instead of stopping such participations within inFEARiority and SOUPeriority altogether. If and when I see myself move or about to move within the pattern of inFEARiority or SOUPeriority, I stop, BREATHE, see if I have missed an opportunity to self-forgive and if so, forgive myself from my participation within the games of the mind as superiority and inferiority and bring myself back HERE within and as the BREATH as the self-honest expression of myself within and as the physical as all as One as Equal as Life.
I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of polarity as the projection of myself as inferiority/superiority, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as inferiority/superiority when with the company of others, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.
If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “rejection/inferiority” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of rejection/rejected as the reaction of friction experimented within parts of my physical body such as the stomach area, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of rejection, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.
I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.
See these blogs:
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Creation’s Journey to Life
Earth’s Journey to Life
And other Journey to Life blogs
Desteni.org
Equalmoney.org
And check the e-bookstore as well as FREE downloads at Eqafe.com

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