dimanche 12 juin 2011

Why am I doing my self-forgiveness out loud?

Recently, I was asked by a forum buddy - joe kou - to do more self-forgiveness statements within my writings since they are lacking in the posts I publish within my blog (which is not to say that I don't do them altogether), which I agreed to completely. However, I wanted to make clear that I actually do my self-forgivenesses regularly, but only not in the written form. Rather, I regularly express my self-forgiveness statements out loud, and here is the answer that I have given to joe kou regarding why I do this:

(coming from a facebook message that I sent to joe kou)

ok cool. I will do more of that in my future writings. However, I just want to add that I do my self-forgiveness statements regularly out loud, as the flow of "opening myself up to each layer of the onion" so to speak, is more fluent for me that way. Usually, when I do self-forgiveness in writing, I get lost in what I am self-forgiving myself about because the words I type/write don't come out of my head the same way as when I talk the self forgiveness statements out loud. An example of this would be that when I write the self forgiveness statements through typing or writing, I focus on each word that I express before going onto the next word within a "string of words which composes a statement" so to speak. When I do this, I sometimes lose the contents of what I intend to "self-forgive myself about" within the "string of words which composes a statement" because of the act of "focussing" on "each word" that I write/type. I see this as being caused simply because of the nature of writing which is, in a way, a slower expression than speaking. I know that I have to slow myself down in order to get back to the physical, but when I write my self-forgiveness statements, I usually do not get to express as many points as when I do the self-forgiveness statements out loud. because when I do the self-forgiveness out loud, I do not lose myself within the statements and/or words that I express, and I fluently express each self-forgiveness statements without losing focus of the actual self-forgiveness statement and the one which is to come - to which I see within mysellf as the next layer which is to come, as I go through the "layers of the onion" within myself so to speak.

So in short, the question that I would ask is this: is it better to do the self-forgiveness statements in writing or is it just as good to do it vocally - out loud? Because that is how I have done it for most of my participation within my process, which is, to do the self-forgiveness statements out loud. Last week in one particular example, I spent about 1 hour doing self-forgiveness statements out loud, without stopping between statements - as a flow coming out of my being without interruption. In contrast, to have written all of what I have stated within this hour of self-forgivenes statements, would have taken me probably twice the amount of time, if not more, that it took me to go through the points within the act of "self-forgiving to myself out loud". So, that is the main reason why I perceive doing the self-forgivenesses out loud as being more effective for me. In a sense, I do not get confused about myself when I talk myself out, whereas when I write myself out, I usually get confused.

also - another point to add about doing sf out loud vs doing them in writing - what I have specifically noticed is that when I do the self-forgiveness statements out loud, I "physically become" the words I speak, which is not the case when I write/type the statements alone. What I mean by this is simple: When I state the self forgiveness statements out loud, my facial and body expression change to mimick the nature of the words that I am stating out loud to myself - which doesn't happen when I do the sf in writing alone. As an example, a self-forgiveness statement that I have recently done regarding a point that I am currently facing, which is the point of "impressions" and what that point is in relation to me, is the following: "I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be impressed by others in my world. I forvive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that impressions are the prisons from within which I entrap myself in within the fabric of my mind...".

Now, when writing those last statements, I started moving my face in order to mimick the nature of the words that I was typing, but that was due to the subconscious desire of mine to have repeated the physical act that naturally came when I did those self-forgiveness statements out loud this pas week (where I became "physically one" with the words I spoke so to speak, whereas me as my body - as I have stated earlyer - mimicked the nature of the words I speak, but in a movement which stated that I physically put a stop to the accepted and allowed nature that those words represented within my mind, rather than a physical movement as a reaction to the words spoken out loud.

An example of that would be with the word "ugly" as it is a word which has generated a physical reaction of "shame" and "guilt" in the past - as it is a word which I have accepted and allowed to be true as myself as my physical being. Thus, to say that "I physically put a stop to the accepted and allowed nature that those words represented within my mind" - which representation was reproduced by the reactive behaviour of my physical body - is to say that when I "become" the words I speak through the self-forgiveness being spoken out loud, I "act" towards those words rather than "react" towards them, by automatically "changing" the reaction and placing a new "action" within the nature of "self-responsibility and self-determination" in relation to those words = I open my eyes wide when I speak those words + I move my hands in order to articulate the act of "blocking myself from the past influences of those words" so as to place a "new meaning" out of myself scripting myself out as to become an expression of what is best for all rather than to remain an expression which only interest is my own + I word myself out with sound, which is immediately sensed through and as my physical body, thus making the impact of the words more present/here in comparison to "speaking the words in my mind" which "naturally occurs" as an internal automated reflection of the words written, when I write myself out + whatever is behind those words I see more clearly when I speak myself out, since it seems to me that through the act of speaking myself out, I actually physically push myself out of myself through a means - sound - which is in direct resonnance with the origin of the influences which have brought me to create those self-limiting patterns as personality. Because have a look, when I started building my personality from ground up as a child, I wasn't able to articulate my thoughts, as I had not yet learned how to speak words. However, within that stage, I was influenced and I understood the impact of "sound" and "sound" was and is the building block of the personality which ensued. Thus, to actually use sound in order to sort myself out, enables me to actually release myself from the "sound generated" resonnances which I have stored within my physical body - and which had been compounded upon through my participation within those "sound impressions" as the "foundation block of my personality"- because when I speak the words of self-forgiveness out loud through absolute self-honesty, I release the honest foundation block as "sound imprints" which would have otherwise remained within my being simply because of not being "resonnated" upon.

Writing, unless done in conjunction with speaking, cannot manifest actual/real sound - it is common sense. However, speaking does manifest sound - it is common sense. Through this, the relation/bridge to the actual cause of the "imprint" which is at the core of each layers of the "onion as personality" so to speak, is made manifest here and from there, a new self-generated inprint/script can be inserted. That is what I have come to realise through the act of "speaking the sf statements to myself out loud" which have brought me to actually change - from within a deeper subconscious level - within my participation within my living environment.

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