7 years journey to life: Day 4 : The “I don’t know what to write about” pattern

Today was the 4^th day since I started applying myself in the “writing yourself to freedom” initiative. Although it has been more than 4 years since I first started writing myself to freedom through the Desteni principle, I haven’t yet done it in a regular fashion, like what I am attempting at doing nowadays through the “7 years to life” application. One of the main reasons why I haven’t yet been diligent enough in my writings is because of the belief that I am lacking in things to say or write about.

Today was one of those days where I questioned myself for points to consider writing about when I would be alone in front of my computer as is now the case. I went to a baseball game with my friend and spent almost all of the time attending the game, thinking about what to write about when I would be in front of my computer. There weren’t any points of interest which popped up in my mind as I was thinking of things to write about thus, I decided to write about this “lack of things to say” pattern that seems to pop up whenever I push myself to write about things in general.

I remember when I was growing up, I had a lot of difficulties finding subjects to write about as I was attending school. Writing has never been a strong point in my life, as I have a lot of trouble even respecting the basis of writing in itself, which is to write about a subject, verb and complement which thus generates typical sentences. The way my mind works is rather messy, as my thoughts run around in my mind without order or concision. I usually understand myself when I think to myself, however, when comes the time to share my thoughts or the processes of my mind to another, there is always this “blockage” that seems to arise. We can say that I have difficulties writing in the English language as it is not my primary language, being French. But even in my primary language do I find difficulties in making my thoughts concise to another.

For example, in order for me to portray the difficulties I have when attempting at writing myself out, I just went over a blank state in my mind, as I was at the end of the last paragraph, thinking of what else to say in order to make this entry as substantial as possible. Within me blanking myself out, I lost focus on what I was attempting to say simply because I do not know what to write about. I know that I want to make the necessary efforts for me to be able to follow through with my decision to participate in this “writing yourself to freedom” for the next 7 years, but I fear that it will be difficult for me at first, since the pattern of “having nothing to write/say about” is still very much present in my “psychological makeup”. Thus, to those who are reading my entries, I would say to please bear with me, as I am currently working out the pattern which has brought me to be passive in my process up to now, which is the “I do not know what to say/write about” pattern.

Thus, I will stop my ramblings here, and will go into the self-forgiveness statements regarding this particular point of “I do not know what to say/write about” pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have anything to say to another and within which I manifest this pattern because of the lack of self-discipline that I has been the makeup of my personality for a long time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack discipline when comes the time to reprogram myself in order that I may be one with and as life as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave as if I have nothing to say or write about because of the lack of will to change me rather than to wait that someone or something other than me changes me first, which is impossible for there is nothing out there which will do the work for me as everything is me as all as one as equal as life as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself through the thought of “I do not have anything to say/write about” because of not being focussed enough within and as myself in order to get rid of those points which are within me but where I do not want to face because of the belief that I have nothing to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to say through the belief that I am “more than” this process of self-forgiveness within which I delude myself into thinking that I am above the process.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am not above the process as the process is equal and one with everyone in this planet and that it takes 7 years, minimum for one to be able to free oneself from the grasp of the mind consciousness system, to which we are not as we are all one as all as equal as life as the physical, and not the mind.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the thought of me not having anything to say/write about is a trap of the mind trying to make me believe that I have nothing to write about because of the belief that I am above the process.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I have a lot of things to say/write about if I am to look at myself one point/day at a time.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that it is actually me as the mind which is “blanking myself out” because of the fear of having to “fix myself out as the mind” rather than someone else doing it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for another to fix me rather than me taking self-responsibility for me as myself and from there, work through the mind one point at a time until I am silent within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the process of self-forgiveness is a living statement that needs to be lived one day at a time as one thus becomes the principle of giving as life only through the trials of every day participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose focus as the act of placing my attention elsewhere whenever I am trying to look for points within myself that are to be processed through the process of self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to say as an escape mechanism that I use to not be taken accounted for my own actions.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the pattern of me thinking that I have nothing to say is an escape mechanism that I as the mind equal and one, has used in order to make me “believe” that I am “above it all” and that I do not need to apply myself because of having reached a particular point of self-realisation which grants me the privilege of not having to “work on myself” because of the belief that I am already “free” – within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am “free of the work of the self-forgiveness process” because of the belief that what I lived through, spiritually, is enough to make me “better than” everybody else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am “better than anybody else” because of the level of spiritual awakening that I have reached throughout my life, not realising that spirituality was and is an escape mechanism of the mind which will not and cannot change the state of abuse in this world because of the lack of physical practicality that spirituality professes through actions which only supports the mind such as meditation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that meditation is an act that can change the state of the world through the medium of the “magical attributes of the unconscious mind” which is only a virtual representation of what LIFE is in all actuality, which is the physical equal and one with all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within the silences of the mind so that I may continue on with the belief that I have nothing to say, all the while inhibiting myself from the depths of the mind to which I go to in order to keep on believing that I have nothing to say/write about.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that it is me that pushes myself back within the silences of the mind because of not wanting to take action in this world in order to bring about real actual change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change things in this life because of the belief that I am too small and unimportant to be able to change things in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am too small to bring about change in this world.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “lost of focus” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of guilt of 'I must have something to say', I stop, breathe, see if I have missed an opportunity to self correct into Oneness and Equality from which the guilt arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the guilt and self correct, if not I stop, self forgive my participation in guilt as an automated response to a pattern of self Abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about “not having things to way” and from judging myself and others as 'having nothing to say’, through the use of thoughts and emotions, ideas and beliefs, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of Illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every Living Being.