I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
people like me more when I am happy, wherein I would deliberately manipulate my
behaviour so that I would project an image of myself as that of being happy,
while being dishonest through feeling otherwise within myself, instead of
realising that I am not here to make others feel better about themselves
through me projecting an image of being happy, but that I am HERE to express
who I am unconditionally within self-honesty so that the results of my actions
would benefit all and everyone as that which is best for all life, is best for
myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
seek/desire/want others to feel better about themselves through me manipulating
my expression so that I would project “high energy as myself” towards others,
instead of realising the dishonesty in such expression as the expression would
only be made existent in order to manipulate the feelings of others so that
they could feel happy about themselves – within this, I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to play with the feelings of others through me
exerting myself as having “high energy”, because of the desire to see others as
being happy around me, even if that would mean the suppression of the
self-honest expression as myself because of being manipulated by my
wants/needs/desires to make others feel happy about themselves, rather than
expressing myself as who I am HERE in self-honesty – within this, I forgive
myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that whenever I
express myself within “high energy”, that I am expressing myself as being “superior”
to another which I then silently within backchat perceive as being “inferior”
to myself, from within which I suppress the feeling of inferiority within
myself so as to project the image of superiority towards another, instead of
stopping such participation of “superiority” and “inferiority” within myself,
through the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and
self-corrective application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
others like me more when I am within the state of being manic, as the state I
am in whenever I feel an excessive amount of energy within and as myself within
a specific moment of self-expression, through me acting and behaving
excessively within the presence of others, wherein I would exaggerate the meaning
of what I would be expressing within the energetic flux and flow of my expression,
instead of acting and behaving in accordance to who I am within and as
stability, as the consequence of me remaining stable within and as the BREATH
so that my expression becomes that of life, so that the words I speak and the
expression of myself remains unhindered by energetic sub currents such as the
energy that I am usually possessed of when I am within a state of manic/high
energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
people like me more when I have high energy, where I would take substances such
as coffee only so that my expression becomes more energetic, wherein I would
feel more confident about myself through communicating with another only if I
would experience myself as having “high energy” such as the energy which is
present within myself when I take substances such as coffee or sugar – within this,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate my
expression so that it would carry an high amount of energy, so as to feel as
being in control of the situation through the confidence that the “high energy”
brings into me, instead of realising that whenever I act in accordance with my
desires to express myself through “high energy”, that I reinforce the accepted
and allowed participation within my mind, such as the accepted and allowed
participation within friction as spite/blame as the energetic origins of my
expression, instead of stopping such expression of myself as they are games of
the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for all as
what is best for all is best for me, One and Equal.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise
that who I am is not a being of energy, which is contrary to what I started
believing in when I first discovered spirituality 12 years ago, but that who I am
is the being as the physical as life, Equal and One with all living beings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more confident
within myself whenever I express myself through the flux and flow of “high
energy”, because of the learned behaviour/belief that I only have a short
amount of time to express myself whenever I am within the flux and flow of a
conversation with another being, wherein I would force myself to express as
much as I could within a “short time span” – because of the belief/perception
that others would only allow/grant me a “short amount of time for my
self-expression within a given conversation”, where I would “cram” as much
information as I could within the perceived “window of opportunity” as the “short
time span” that I perceived I was allowed to express myself within a given
conversation – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to “talk as fast as I could” and thus to “expense as much energy as I could”
whenever I had the opportunity to express myself within the perceived “window
of opportunity” that I believed others would grant me within a conversation,
instead of realising that the act of me “talking as fast as I can” is the act
of talking without awareness of who I am/was within the HERE moment, and thus,
that I was dishonest within my expression – only expressing myself so that I
could give out as much knowledge and information and energy as possible within
a short time span, while remaining oblivious to the expression of myself within
the HERE moment, which is/was a dishonest expression of who I really am HERE as
the BREATH – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed
myself to realise that knowledge and information without practical application
is useless and thus, that my self-expression within and as knowledge and
information only is useless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk as fast
as I can when I have an opportunity to talk within the span of a conversation
with another being, because of the perception that I only have a short amount
of time to express myself when within a conversation with another being,
because of the imprinted programming that I have accepted and allowed within
and as myself as that of not being considered by others when within a
conversation – unless my expression is swift/fast enough so that I could/can
take the “window of opportunity” within a given conversation, so as to make my
expression heard by others – instead of realising that who I am as an honest
expression of myself, is not an expression of “swiftness” but is an expression
of stability as calmness as who I am HERE within and as the BREATH within and
as every moment in self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately
manipulate my expression when I am with the company of another, so that I would
be perceived as having a lot of energy, because of the
belief/perception/illusion that others only like/appreciate/love me when and if
I express myself through the filters of "high energy” or happiness –
within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to
realise that whenever I allow myself to be manipulated by energy through the
desire to have others like/appreciate/love me, that I accept and allow myself
to participate within the polarities of the mind and the games of winners and
losers wherein I would project myself as being a “winner” through the
association/relationship/belief that only “winners” have “high energy” as “positivity”
and that only “losers” have “low energy” as “negativity” – within this, I
forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that in
order for me to express myself as a winner as “having high energy”, that I have
to simultaneously suppress myself as a loser as “having low energy”, wherein
that suppression as the “loser” as “having low energy” as myself will always
return to my consciousness within another moment, thus making me manipulated by
my emotions because of through me accepting and allowing myself to be the “winner
as having high energy”, I also simultaneously accept and allow myself to be the
“loser as having low energy”, wherein the “loser” will ultimately end up
expressing itself as myself within another moment, as soon as I allow myself to
express the “winner” as myself – within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t
accepted and allowed myself to realise that through me expressing myself as the
“winner” as the one “having high energy”, that I will automatically express myself
as being the “loser” as the one “having low energy” within another moment as
myself, instead of stopping such participation within the polarities of the
mind through me returning to myself HERE within and as the BREATH, as the
self-honest expression of who I am within any given moment.
I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective
application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living
example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for
the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for
everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.
If
and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the “desire
of making others happy” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern
of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for
me and what is best for all, One and Equal.
When
and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of desire as the
thought of “I need to make others feel happy about themselves so that I could
feel happy about myself”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity
to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the desire arose, if so, I
forgive myself, stand up from the desire game and self-correct, if not i stop,
self-forgive my participation in desire as an automated response to a pattern
of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.
I
commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about desiring
to make others feel happy about themselves through the use of thoughts and
emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and
games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could
be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back
into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.
I
commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness,
self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop
judgments within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally
for the first time.
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Journey to Life blogs
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