7 years journey to life: day 24: being alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when alone, harbour feelings of sadness and depression, thus limiting me from existing in the physical, from living equal and one to the physical wherein I will often experience a yearning to be with someone and socialize instead of living within the breath, living with the touch, living here with myself expressing myself equal and one with the physical, stopping myself from expressing myself equal and one with feelings of sadness and depression.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be with someone such as with the company of another instead of realising that the “someone” that I am in want/need/desire of is myself and within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be/learn self-intimate with myself, thus to limit my self-expression to the inner chatting within the mind, rather than to express myself as who I truly am equal and one with and as the physical.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to be self-intimate with another while not having been self-intimate with myself in the first place, thus jeopardizing my relationship with another because of not having learned how to be self-intimate with myself in the first place.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of positivity, of happiness when I am around others, talking, socializing, living with others, only to create a polarity of negativity as sadness, depression, self-hate, that manifests within myself when I exist on my own – alone, when I do not have company – within this separating myself from myself when/as I am with other people and when I am with myself, and separating myself from other people through allowing myself to define myself by the experience that I created when/as I was with other people and then define that I am happy when I am with other people, wherein the word other here is in separation as I am never “with other” people I am always with myself, and through defining myself in/as an experience with other people I am only being dishonest to myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as a living being, through and with the relationship I have with another/others, where I only allow myself to find self-contempt when I am with the presence of others/another, while being discontent when I am alone with myself because of the negative feelings that I have associated with being alone, which goes against the positive definition of myself I have associated with the fact of being with others/another.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship with myself based on depression, sadness on being alone with myself, based on a hate towards myself and a yearning, a desire, to escape myself wherein I will look for substances and chemical reactions within myself in order to avoid facing myself, wherein I will watch tv until I am saturated, so that I can create a positive chemical reaction within myself of “happiness” through the entertainment, or resort to drugs to escape myself – such as pot/marijuana -, creating a positive chemical reaction to/as the drugs so that I can avoid facing myself as the sadness/depression that I accept myself to exist within, or use alcohol to limit my perception of/as who I am within the moment in order to avoid facing the relationship that I have created with myself of/as sadness/loneliness instead of being here with myself in breath and changing my relationship with myself through using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-correction where I stop the yearning and desire to escape the experience of myself through entertaining myself with a positive chemical reaction/response so that I can avoid myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy the behaviours of my parents/teachers/friends/acquaintances from within which I have associated the feeling of “aloneness”, where I become and transform the presentation of my physical self to that of sadness, changing my mannerisms so as to reflect the sadness that I have learned to associate with “being alone” through my relationships with my parents/teachers/friends as I was growing up in this world, rather than realising that all I ever was and ever will be is “being alone” with myself and through this realisation, stop myself from participating in judgments of “sadness/loneliness” through the tools of BREATHING, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wand/need/desire/seek to avoid myself through the usage of substances/activities such as drugs, alcohol and entertainment, where I allow myself to remain entrapped within the collectively agreed upon systems of abuse as the mind, rather than self-directing myself out of these abusive dependencies through the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application and be HERE with myself in all moments of BREATH, thus developing a relationship of self-trust, self-worth and self-love wherein I do what is best for me as life at all times.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in ways which are not best for me as life at all times, with such behaviours as smoking pot, drinking alcohol and spending endless amounts of time watching television and playing video games, only so that I can forget/”get away from” myself through the suppression of the negatively charged energies that has become the experience of me whenever I am alone with myself – thus seeking to “get away” from that feeling of loneliness rather than facing what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, equal and one with sadness/loneliness, and debunking/deconstructing/deprogramming what I have blindly accepted and allowed myself to become as the mind, through the time tested tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have developed this pattern within myself within the first 7 years of my life and that I am able to CHANGE myself through deprogramming the programs/systems within myself as the mind, through self-investigation using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective statements and stop the yearning to escape myself with abusive patterned behaviours and be HERE with myself in all moments and in all BREATHS.


If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the "loneliness" pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.


When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of sadness as the thought of “I am alone/have no friends to share my time with”, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the sadness arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the sadness game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in sadness as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.


I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about "being alone" through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.


See these blogs:
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Creation’s Journey to Life
Earth’s Journey to Life
And other Journey to Life blogs
Desteni.org
Equalmoney.org
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