lundi 25 juin 2012

7 years journey to life: Day 47: Feelings of not belonging to my age group




I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel different than those my age group because of not having what those my age group generally have/possess, as I do not have a job or a girlfriend or a personal family, wherein I thus separate myself from those my age group because of seeing myself as being different within my possessions in relation to what those my age group generally possess, instead of realising that that feeling of being different originate from the judgements/blame that I hold towards and within myself for not “fitting in” through me not possessing what those my age group generally possess, and thus that I can stop that feeling of being different through me stopping myself from participating within judgments/blame towards and within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge/blame myself as being inferior to those my age group because of not possessing what those my age group generally possess, such as a family and/or a job, and that from within this judgment, that I generate feelings of uneasiness within and as myself because of having accepted and allowed myself to be conditioned through the beliefs/thoughts/perception that has come from others as myself, wherein it is generally perceived that those who do not have a job or a girlfriend when reaching my age group, are generally sad and depressive people. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/believe/experience myself as being sad and depressive because of having subconsciously associated the fact of being alone at my age with the feelings of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate feelings of negative energy within the fact/act of being alone, such as not having a girlfriend/family at my age group, instead of realising that through me accepting and allowing myself to participate within those feelings of negative energy within the fact/act of being alone at my age group, that I thus automatically generate feelings of positive energy that automatically emerges within the depths of me when I do have a girlfriend and/or family, which makes me thus a slave to the energies of the mind through me being directed/controlled by the emotions/feelings within and as my mind, instead of stopping such separation and becoming the self-directive principle of me in my life through me stopping my participation within energies as the mind through the tools of BREATHING, writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application. Within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate feelings of positive energy within the fact/act of being with someone, such as having a girlfriend and/or family, wherein those feelings of positive energy fuels my addiction to energy and thus only furthers my separation within and as the energy as the mind, instead of realising that through me accepting and allowing myself to participate within those feelings of positive energy within the idea/projection of myself being with a girlfriend/family, that I thus automatically generate feelings of negative energy that automatically emerges within the depths of me when I do not have a girlfriend and/or family, which makes me thus a slave to the energies of the mind through me being directed/controlled by the emotions/feelings within and as my mind, instead of stopping such separation and becoming the self-directive principle of me in my life through me stopping my participation within energies as the mind through the tools of BREATHING, writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the games of the mind, such as the games of superiority and inferiority, through me comparing myself with the adults my age group – within this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of comparison with those my age group, wherein I would compare physical attributes and possessions between me and those my age group so as to “identify” my position within a spectrum of “good or bad” wherein I would judge myself as being “good” when I have “more than” what another person from my age group possess, and where I would judge myself as being “bad” when I have “less than” what another person from my age group possess – instead of stopping such participation within the polarity of the mind through the tools of self-investigation through writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my interpretation/appreciation of myself on the possessions that I have or do not have, wherein I experience positive energy within and as myself whenever I have possessions that are perceived as being positive within one’s life at my age and where I experience negative energy within and as myself whenever I do not have what is perceived as being positive within one’s life at my age.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be content within and as myself as I continuously seek to be with someone in order to generate the experience/feeling of contentment within and as myself, instead of realising that who I am as life as the physical is naturally content, not needing anyone to complete what is naturally complete within and as myself. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so extensively controlled by my mind, that I only feel content when I am with another. I now see/understand and realise that this natural contentment comes from and through the tools of self-investigation, writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, so as to release myself from the cultural conditioning from within which I have placed conditions to the experience of myself as being content, so as to release my natural inborn contentment of being who I am and thus express myself unconditionally for the first time.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within such games of mind polarity such as the game of “haves” and “have not”, through the realisation that as long as I accept and allow myself to participate within the mind as games of comparison, that I automatically accept and allow myself to participate within energy as the mind which abuses/misuses substance as myself through the consumption of the physical as life for the own sustenance/survival of myself as finite Energy – to which I am ultimately not, as who I am is one and equal with the physical as life eternal, wherein there is NO ENERGY which controls who I am as the physical.

I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and self-honesty, write daily in my blog so as to become a living example to others as what it is to be a responsible human being which acts for the interest of what is best for all, as what is best for all is best for everyone, Equal and One with all living beings.

If and when I see myself moving or about to move into the mind through the reaction of “feeling depressed because of being alone” pattern, I stop, breathe, remind myself that it is a pattern of me as the mind I no longer want to engage in for it is not what is best for me and what is best for all, One and Equal.

When and as I see myself moving into the automatic personality of being rejected by those my age group, I stop, breathe, see if i have missed an opportunity to self-correct into Oneness and Equality from which the personality arose, if so, I forgive myself, stand up from the personality game and self-correct, if not i stop, self-forgive my participation in personality as an automated response to a pattern of self-abuse and bring myself back Here in and as Breath.

I commit myself to stop myself from entertaining ideas and beliefs about myself as the feeling/experience of loneliness, through the use of thoughts and emotions, learned ideas and beliefs about the human condition, comparisons and games of winners and losers to establish myself as an example of how Life could be for everyone outside of the limited living of the Mind of illusions and back into Life as the Physical, One and Equal for every living Being.

I commit myself to assist and support myself through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective application and breathing – to stop the desires and stop the frictions/judgments/blame/spite within and as me and so allow me to express myself unconditionally for the first time.



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