mercredi 25 mai 2011

Self-forgiveness on regret

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret the life that i created for myself.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having listened to those that warned me of my erratic life style when I was young.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having listened to my computer science teacher when he told me to be careful not to let my random life style lead me astray from the path.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having followed the recommendations of Redha when I was working for Bell Sympatico, where he warned me that my naivety will cause me pain in life.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having taken my studies seriously, in particular when I was studying in communications and in computer sciences.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having studied in communications only so that I could “pass the time”, only so that I could fill the time that separated me from the removal of my braces, so that it could past faster – not taking any of my studies seriously, but only as a “time filler” to reach my goal of removing my braces. I forgive myself that I haven’t taken the time of my studies in communications more seriously. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having taken the time where I had braces for granted.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret the time where I had braces as being “without importance”. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the time where I had braces as being inconsequential in my life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to justify the time where I had my braces as being a time where I wasn’t really myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that the one who I really was, wasn’t there yet when I was within the time of my life where I were braces – I let every remarks and bad experiences flow right through me because I held onto the belief that who I was wasn’t there yet, and that whatever happened to me that was bad within this time frame, was irrelevant and didn’t affect me because I convinced myself that I wasn’t myself throughout that period, only because I had braces and that I hadn’t had my “jaw operation” yet, to which I used as the foundation of the belief that who I was was only the one who would come out of the operation and of the wearing of the braces in the future.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse consisting of the belief that the one who I really am is contained within the hopes of the one that I was going to be once I would be rid of the braces.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lured me into the belief that I would a prettier human being when I would get rid of the braces.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the person who I really was within the time frame where I had braces on, under the pretext that I wasn’t” myself “ and that all that I did within this time frame was inconsequential to the one who I really was, since I imagined my true self to be within the future expectations that I kept within my mind - the one who I was within my head as the one which I saw myself to become, couldn’t be attained or touched since he was in my head, thus unknown and unassailable and invincible to all that tried to hurt me, since who I was was unknown thus unseen.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lost myself within my future hopes and to not have allowed myself to express myself for who I really was here, within the time frame where I wore my braces.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I would have had a better life if my jaw would be corrected.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having said that I were going to kill myself if I were not going to have the operation that consisted of changing my face so that I could correct the perceived deformity of my jaw that I perceived as being one of the great cause of all of my sufferings.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having blamed my jaw as being the cause of all of my sufferings in life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret blaming my face as being the cause of all of my sufferings in my life, which presented themselves more often than not within the form of rejection from my peers.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having given power to the opinions of those, in particular within my school years while I was a teenager, which told me that I was ugly and that I was an extra-terrestrial.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having given the benefit of the doubt to those that told me that I was ugly and because of that, that I was inferior to others.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having expanded my inferiority complex upon all of humanity because I haven’t had the courage to live self-honestly as who I really am, instead of living a life of shame by hiding myself underneath a mask of appearances only.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lived a life hiding behind a mask because I was terribly afraid of being seen for who I really was without my mask.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen for who I am without my mask.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that my mask is who I am and to have suppressed and neglected my true identity which was hiding behind my mask.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having suppressed and neglected who I am as the honest expression of myself behind the mask.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having stood up in front of the oppression from the students who bullied me when I was a teenager.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having submitted myself to the fear of being ridiculed if I were to express myself for who I felt myself to be within myself when I was oppressed by my classmates while I was in high school.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having stood up when classmates threw stuff at my head while screaming insults towards me simply because I was “different” than others.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having defined myself as being ugly, thus inferior to others because that is what the others made me feel when they were insulting me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having given my power of expression to the feelings of inferiority that I felt when I was being ridiculed by my fellow classmates when I was a teenager and thus, to have closed myself within myself instead of taking position and self-responsibility as all as one as equal and stood up for who I am as all as one as equal as life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given myself permission to stand up against the oppression when people insulted and ridiculed me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given a greater effort to succeed when I was studying.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having been popular in the eyes of girls when I was a teenager.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having had sexual relationships with a girl when I was a teenager.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having had sexual relations with Sandra Bérubé when I was at the end of my teenage years.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having asked the younger friend of Sandra Bérubé of 11 years old, to have sex with me. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sexual desires towards the 11 year old friend of Sandra Bérubé because she was affectionate with me when I was 19 years old.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having listened to my feelings and my emotions when I felt within me that an opportunity to develop a relationship with a girl was being presented to me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having known when to pass into action when my emotions and my feelings informed me that I was desired by the girls/women who were within my presence.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having neglected my feelings and my emotions when they informed me that I was desired by girl/women.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having put my confidence only within my reasoning skills and not my inner feelings as emotions and feelings, to determine if I had a chance or not with a girl/women.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having listened or act on my emotions when they informed me that I was desired by a girl, unequivocally.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret to doubt my emotions and my feelings towards a girl when they were so intense that they left no doubt within me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given reason to my feelings and emotions when they informed me that I was desired by the girl to which was placed my attention.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having continuously relied on my reason uniquely to identify if I had a chance or not with a girl/women.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having permitted myself to separate myself from my emotions and my feelings so that I could only listen to my rational and empirical mind when the opportunities came where I felt that I had a chance with a girl/women to have sex.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having seized the opportunities to enter in relationships with girls that made me feel desired when they presented themselves to me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having given reason of doubt only to what I listened coming from the mouth of others as being the only version of truth that I was to follow.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having seized the opportunity to tell Sandra Bérubé that I wanted to make love to her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having seized the opportunity to tell Isabelle Martelle that I loved her and that I would have liked to be her “boyfriend”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that all those that I loved while I was growing up, would come back to me later in life to admit their love for me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having seized the opportunity to tell Christine Charlebois that I loved her and that I found her attractive.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having found the courage to tell Christine Charlebois that I loved her and that I wanted to go out with her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowed my fears and my status of being rejected get the better of me when I was within the company of Christine Charlebois and because of that, that I considered myself as being unworthy to even consider the idea that I could be loved and appreciated by her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to let my rational fearful mind get the best of my intentions when I was within the company of Christine Charlebois.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having lived a love story with Christine Charlebois.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having left the fear of what others would have thought and say – those that bullied and ridiculed me in high school – if I would have expressed to Christine Charlebois how much I was in love with her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having feared the reactions of the other students if they were to know my feelings towards Christine Charlebois.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having feared the reactions of Christine Charlebois if I were to tell her how much I was in love with her.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having repressed and suppressed my sexual desires and loving desires by the fear of being rejected by those that I found attractive/desired.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having suppressed my sexual desires and loving desires under the belief that who I was as a spiritual being is “greater than” those “lower” “bestial impulsions”.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowed myself to refrain myself from seizing the opportunities when they presented themselves to me to get into a relationship with girls, under the pretext that this was not what I wanted to be, under the pretext that the idea that I made myself to be was “greater than” those desires which churned within me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given reason to those desires that I felt as energetic impulsions, when they were manifesting within and as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given reason to my sexual desires, but have given reason to my “imagined self” which told me that I was “superior” to those desires.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having limited my expression to ideas of spiritual superiority instead of living what I really wanted to live from the depths of my guts when I was within the company of girls that I desired.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given more effort to succeed in my primary school studies.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given more effort to succeed in my high school studies.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given more effort to succeed in my collegial studies.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given more effort to succeed in my university studies.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lived a life under the idea that I am not popular enough to give worth to my life as a human being.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lived a life watching the life pass by me instead of actively investing myself within it.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having imposed upon me, mental conditions to reach before expressing myself without restrain and actively in life.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having imposed upon me, the condition to have to be within a relationship with a girl before allowing myself to actively participate within this world/society.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having waited all my life for a girlfriend before investing myself within society.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having a passive life because I never was able to have success with having a girlfriend for a time period which was sufficient for me to give me the impression that I have had a girlfriend.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having reduced my self-expression to having or not having a girlfriend.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having lived a life looking passively for the company of others because I didn’t want to invest myself in “looking to improve my life” before having reached the conditions that I fixed within myself – i.e., having a girlfriend, having a family, having a job, being popular, having a car, etc.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having defined myself as being too ugly to work.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having defined myself as being too ugly to exist.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having defined myself as being too ugly to expose myself within a working environment with other employees.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself within a working environment with other employees.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear reliving the rejection that I have lived when I was within a “common closed environment”, like where I found myself within when I was within the scholar institutions, within which I lived experiences of rejections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by others, and thus, not fear not being accepted by others as myself. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I was looking for my own acceptation instead of looking for the acceptation of others. I accept me as all as one as equal as life. I am life. I am Here.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having given all my power away to the mind picture presentation of myself, before considering the “true being” that I am in self-honesty as who I truly am.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having separated myself between the mind picture representation of myself and the “being” as myself, to eventually lose myself within the illusion of the “mind picture representation of myself” and denying “who I am as all as one as equal as life within and as the moment here”.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having had a sexual relationship when I was a teenager.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having had a sexual relationship with Fannie Labrosse, my cousin.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having had sexual fantasies towards my cousin, F and my other cousin M.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having desired to have sexual relationship with young girls who looked like my cousin Fannie Labrosse.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having imagined Fannie Labrosse naked and making love to her while she was still a young girl.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that one day I would make love to my cousin.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret still having sexual desires towards young girls when I think of younger naked girls.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to have some time ago, downloaded naked pictures of young girls within my computer.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having masturbated in front of videos where naked girls where making love to older adults.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having hid this problem to all those that knew me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having thought that I would one day make love to a young girl.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret wanting to go to the beach or to the water park, only so that I could look at the bodies of young girls walk in front of me in small outfits.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having imagined the bodies of naked girls that was walking in the street, or in the beaches or in the aquatic parcs.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having dreamed of sexual fantasies where I was making love to young girls.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to continue to masturbate while watching images of naked young girls in front of my computer screen, all the while knowing that it was wrong and despicable.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having listened to the voice of reason while I was masturbating in front of images of naked girls on the computer screen.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having listened to the voice of reason when I was masturbating in front of images of young girls as well as when I was masturbating in front of naked women in front of the computer screen.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having realized when I was masturbating, that masturbation contributes to the actual situation of abuse and rape in the world.




I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having hid my “nature of mind” when I was confronted to my own dishonesties.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having feared to express and expose the monster that I am within my thoughts/mind consciousness system, for having had thoughts and actions – masturbating while watching naked young girls making love to adults – as despicable as what I have allowed myself to become.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowed myself to hide myself from my own shadow as myself.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I was a being of light.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having allowed myself to realize that I wanted to be a being of light only to balance the negative and despicable thoughts that I had towards myself and towards others and life as myself.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed in spirituality as being who I truly am because of me not wanting to face all of the dark thoughts that I have accepted and allowed to hide with myself within the secluded abyss of my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was the despicable thoughts that ruled within the abyss of my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the thoughts that are within my mind.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having secluded myself within spirituality to hide the shame that I had of all that I allowed to think and do within my isolation from others .



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the hypocrisy of the world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be a hypocrite through the fear of being ridiculed and rejected by the honest expression of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a mind consciousness system. I am not the mind consciousness system. I am not the thoughts that I keep within the secluded spaces of my mind. I expose myself for who I am. I expose myself to re-define myself as all as one as equal as life as awareness.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having thought that to make love to a young girl would render me happy.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having thought that to make love to a young girl would purge me from my sufferings of rejection.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having thought that to make love to a young girl would give me the power that I was looking for.

Je me pardonne de m’avoir permis de regretter m'avoir permis de définir le pouvoir comme étant ce qui s'applique et s'atteint qu'avec la force physique.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowed myself to define power as being that which applies to physical/overpowering strength.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having allowed myself to stand up within my mental condition and stop all behaviors and all thoughts that are not of who I am, but are of the mind as programs which recycles themselves within my subconscious mind until I decide differently – until I decide to definitely stop my participation within and as them. I am not the programs within my subconscious mind which desires to have sexual relationships with women as well as young girls. I stop the mind. I stop the desires. I am here. I breathe.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I would only be liberated when I would die.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that death is the only thing that could liberate me from the hell which is my life on earth.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I would be more able to fix myself only when I would be in the hereafter instead of here within and as this body. Life is here as who I am as all as one as equal as my human physical body. I do not accept and allow myself to believe that I can only fix myself in the hereafter. I am fixing myself here as who I am within and as this physical body so that I birth life from the physical. I accept nothing less than who I am as all as one as equal as life as here.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that death is the only thing which can save me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having allowed myself to take responsibility of my actions here, and stop once and for all to participate within and as the mind consciousness system which consists of all that I believe myself to be. I am not my mind. I am awareness which is constant and undefined, HERE.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed all of that which I was told to be.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having defined and having limited myself to be that which I was told to be.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I was incapable to have that which I wanted to have in this life.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I was stupid because of the weak grades that I obtained when I was in primary, high, college and university school.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having believed that I was inferior to my sister because she is apparently better looking than me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having expressed an expression of inferiority – within my behavior, within my demeanor, within my voice, within my words, within my attitude, within my presentation – when I was within the company of those that I considered as being “better looking” than me, thus superior than me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define those that I considered as being prettier than me, from the comparison of the mcs, as being superior than me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having let myself down even before I stood up when I was confronted to beings who ridiculed me, to which I judged as being prettier than me and thus, allowed them to insult me and do nothing about it because they were apparently superior than me because of their appearance.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be paralyzed within my expression under the reign of fear when I was in front of beings whom I judged as being prettier than me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having used the mind picture presentation of others and of myself as being the barometer through which I expressed myself as self-confidence.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having studied and participated with greater determination than when I was studying in computer sciences in order to become a computer scientist.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given a greater effort when I was studying so that to assure myself a better future than the one within which I am currently in this moment, financially.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having given my all to the subjects and exercises that were destined to forged myself a greater future.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having allowed myself to live the present moment, without considerations for the future because I was afraid to think of what I would become – knowing all to well that I was heading for “social and economic failure”.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take my future more seriously and only live for the present moment.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret fearing the future.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do anything to change the place where I was heading for as the future that I knew I was building for myself, as a poor class human being.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my future for granted because of the having a life where my mother took care of everything for me – numbing my senses to her care and not allowing me to take care of my own responsibility within this society as an independent adult.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on my mother’s presence to always give me what I need out of life – and thus, accept and allow myself to be dependant on my mother for my own survival in this world as the source from which I get all the basics that I need to live – not wanting more since I settle for the bare minimum.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for the bare minimum.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret settling for the bare minimum.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having used the excuse of “I love for the present moment because the present moment is all there is” to hide my fear of the futur.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having feared the future because of fearing being an adult. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own fear


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having the desire to kill myself instead of living within and as an adult in this world.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret preferring death to the life of an adult.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having inserted all of my fears within what I perceived as being an adult when I was growing up. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become my own fears. I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by my own fear. I am HERE as all as one as equal as life. Life is not fear. I am life. I am unconditionnal self-expression as life.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret not having known when to stop my thoughts when I was aware that I was plunging within madness.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having nurtured the belief that I am a superior being, by influencing my friends to believe that the “project code consciousness” was really possible to realize, while I knew all the while I was working on it, that it was impossible through my methods.



I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having built my identity around this lie where I was so far within my mind, that I actually perceived myself as being god, but without the proper ‘step by step’ realizations that only come through the process of forgiveness with corrective action in self-honesty as me.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret to have separated myself from the others around me as all as one as equal as who I really am as life.


I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret having isolated myself from others through the fear of being ridiculed and rejected by others as me. I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the rejections the others have towards me are the own rejections that I nurture towards myself within my own mind consciousness system.


I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by a thought
I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by the word “reject”


I expose myself for who I have accepted and allowed myself to become, so that i can stop the bullshit i have allowed as myself. I expose myself to re-define myself as all as one as equal as life as awareness through stopping the mind.

I am HERE as Life as All as One as Equal.

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